Spike and Drusilla (aka our Samhaine Costumes this year). Pic from here.
It’s been several months since I have actually written a meaningful, lengthy post. I have had a plethora of experiences in recent months—hell, in recent years—that keep pulling me away from my many hobbies, such that I find myself increasingly having to pick and choose what to pursue at any given time. I am slowly working my way into another bout where writing takes my primary focus (at least, when I am not at work), but I still have a handful more of sewing projects and art projects to complete before I can dive in unencumbered. My hobbies have always rotated in cycles of prominence, even when I have been blessed with enough time to properly pursue more than one at a time. With work being what it is, as well as the increased workload at home with recovering from all the wedding-related crafting aftermath and preparing our household to bring in a new furry companion by way of adopting a retired racer from a local Greyhound rescue, I have barely been able to pursue more than a reaction-based project management. By which I mean, “Holy crap it’s already October and I haven’t finished making my Halloween costume yet and our friends are hosting a housewarming/costume party that night and we’ve been planning on being Drusilla and Spike for AGES!!!” followed by “Holy crap it’s already Renaissance Festival Season and we already purchased tickets but I need a new corset and I bought that evergreen stretch panne velvet to make a dress out of to go with a new corset but then I never got around to it!” and so on and so forth. Reaction Crafting. I prefer pre-planned crafting, although having a purpose beyond that of “I want to make this just because” is sometimes helpful with enforcing a completion deadline.
So anyway, life has been more or less pretty good lately, apart from this recent bout of Facebook’s latest shenanigans with closing the accounts of people who don’t use their legal names in their profiles (because that totally makes sense….not. Evil Facebook Monster.) While I have not personally been affected by this situation since my personal page is in my legal name and only my public artist page is in the name I use online/professionally/in the Pagan community, I am seriously considering deleting my accounts altogether. There are several reasons I haven’t yet, chiefly among them that I want to maintain my public page as Anden Jade and to do so, I have to maintain a personal account to be the admin. However, there’s also the convenience of using social media as a means to stay in touch with my distant friends and family. People I know, love and care about are spread all across the world. They are scattered across time zones, countries and continents, even hemispheres. Long distance phone calls are expensive, and I suck at talking on the phone anyway (I prefer to plan what I am going to say plus I am not good are picking up on tone, so conversations in which I cannot physically see the person I am talking to and use their body language to further interpret their intent are difficult for me). Even with those drawbacks, I think I am going to send a blast message to all of my Facebook friends, telling them that I am finally deleting my account so if they want to keep in contact, they better send me a working email or phone number, and if they want pictures or more thorough updates that require little effort on their part…I can link them to my blog.
One day when I am a big famous artist/musician/writer/crafter/Pagan/General/feminist/et cetera I will be able to affect some real change.
In the mean time, I will just have to spill out some semi-intelligent blog posts about why this or that is annoying, or look at what I made today, or hey these are my thoughts on puppies. Speaking of puppies, do keep posted for updates about the retired racer we are adopting! There will, of course, be pics.
Scattered wasteland surrounding me,
Tattered memories of what used to be,
Apocalyptic mind debris,
Until we meet again.
Traveling through both space and time,
Out of body, out of mind,
Out of control,
My wheels in constant motion.
~ From “Constant Motion” by Dream Theater
I was listening to my favorite DT album earlier today while studying, and the above lyrics from one of their songs particularly resonated with me. I’m obsessive about my music, and when I first discovered this band, I was so struck by the sheer musicality of it all that I listened to that first CD I had for three straight months on repeat in my car. Needless to say my brother, who had the joy of me as his chauffeur before I went off to college, grew pretty sick of it. I have since collected every album they’ve ever released, except for the very first. One of my friends tells me it wasn’t that good, or at least nothing like the rest of their music once they accepted their progressive calling. It’s not a big deal. If they come out with any more, however, I’ll be sure to snatch up the latest.
Now that we have established a little background on the extent to which I adore this band, it should come as no surprise that I listen to one of their many songs at least once a day. Today, I chose to listen to Systematic Chaos from beginning to end, but just got stuck on “Constant Motion,” and I think I may have finally figured out why. Bear with me. I’ll circle around to this point again later.
Earlier this month, I expressed the desire to explore an idea that had occurred to me about a link between music and magic. Today, I’d like to look at another way in which the two are related.
I get a lot of songs stuck in my head. Having not lived in a box, I’d say having a song in your head is a pretty normal phenomenon. What may not be normal, however, is the extent that it happens to me. I walk around with practically a personal soundtrack playing in my mental background. I could be in a room of dead silence, but I’ll be thinking music. When I’m running or hiking, my mind might as well be an iPod (when I have the choice, I do prefer to run with a real iPod playing; however, we can’t run on post or in uniform with music, so my running + iPod time is limited to when I’m elsewhere and get to make use of actually comfortable workout garb). Nevertheless, while I can control the songs I’m playing in my head when I really focus on it, sometimes a random tune will pop in there and I have no idea where it came from, let alone all the words, so it’s like the chorus is stuck on repeat until I can finally shake it. Maybe someone was humming it down the hallway and I just caught enough of the melody to replay the rest, but wasn’t consciously aware of the process. Maybe it was playing in the background of a phone conversation. The origins of the stuck-song are not important; what’s important is the song’s impact.
The song in my head can influence my entire day. It subtly alters the cadence of my steps, so that I’m walking in beat to the tempo. I imagine everyone else listening to my same soundtrack, walking in cadence with my song. Sometimes I even feel like my heart itself takes up the rhythm. The tone of the song colors my mood: an angry song pumps me up and makes me want to run, a sad song mellows me out, a love song makes me lonely. The lyrics enter my vocabulary, so that while my words are my own, their inspiration is rooted in the song’s theme. I hum the melody under my breath, and passersby likely pick up just enough to get it stuck in their heads, too. If at any time I enter a hallway and I’m alone, I’ve even been known to dance to the tune. Don’t laugh. You’ve done it. I become a radio; the wind, just static in my speakers.
“Constant Motion” spoke to me today in a way that yesterday, Placebo’s “Every Me Every You” spoke to me. The day before that, it was Kyo’s “Dernière Danse.” It was the song for today, because today, that song was reflective of--and reflected in--my life. It swayed my steps and influenced my thinking. It breathed through me, and every thought was set with that song in the backdrop, and it happened for a reason. All things happen for a reason. I needed the energy, the anger, the confusion of that song to be my strength amid my own anger and confusion. There is simply so much going on that I know I’m out of control. My life is in constant motion, and it won’t stop. Cue Newton’s First Law.
Magic isn’t just about casting spells or chanting; it’s the way you live. Music is magic, and life is a symphony. So SING it.
PS: GLEE returns today :) I’m more than just a little excited.
Ok, that’s a slight exaggeration, but here’s the deal. I’m not the only Pagan in my community anymore! Or at least, not the only one who’s open about it and willing to share! I finally met another. He’s a recent arrival, which accounts for our having not met before; however, he’d heard of me (specifically, the tarot card readings I gave during one of my summer training exercises, which I discussed in my first Witchvox article). My other excellently awesome news, is that THERE (MAY) BE AN INTEREST MEETING FOR PAGAN/WICCAN/OTHER EARTH-BASED SPIRITUALITIES!!! I’ve been in contact with one of our Chaplains about it. I’ve got a good feeling about this one. I’ve been the sole voice of non-Judaeo-Christian ideology for so long where I live, and now finally, FINALLY, that might change.
It’s a shame these steps forward didn’t occur until my last freaking year here…but I’m going to keep looking on the bright side.
Cover art for the CD I released back in 2007. No big deal. That's me at the Palais des Papes in Avignon, France.
As I state in one of my songs, I am not a prophet by any stretch of the imagination. I suck at divination, I certainly don't have prophetic dreams--or if I do, they're lost to the recesses of my subconscious since I rarely remember my dreams in the first place--and I'd hardly consider my dabblings with tarot "prophetic." However, I have noticed something that tends to occur with me. My music helps to manifest my will. Whether that's magical or not, and whether there's any precedent for this historically, mythologically, or otherwise is a topic I would like to explore. I’m not anticipating many voter responses on my poll (I won’t delude myself with visions of an eager following, haha), so this may serve as my focus for the fall. My long-term goal is maybe to create another Witchvox article out of my findings as they relate to my experiences, whether in support of or against my theory (if such a half-formed notion as I currently have could bear the title of “theory” with any accuracy). Regardless, here’s what I’m thinking:
I play three instruments moderately well, and if I had the time and resources to invest in them, could potentially play them quite well. As it stands, twelve years with a guitar will make you good despite your best efforts to be otherwise, and even playing once or twice a month, which is sadly all I have time for, will keep your fingers relatively accustomed to the chords and scales and what-not. I found a group of musicians who would also like to increase their playing time, so hopefully by scheduling days to play together we’ll each reach our goals of improvement. As for the flute and the piano--the other two instruments I claim a level of proficiency in--my skills are mediocre at best, and I am regretfully (and grossly) out of practice. Regardless, just take me at my word that while I could be much better than I am, I’m still a pretty decent guitarist. Another musical talent I am blessed to possess is the ability to sing, and that is also a skill that I get to practice every time I take a shower, ride in a car, or perform delightfully drunken karaoke. Singing is also, incidentally, a skill that does not appear to fade with time. Thus, I feel comfortable claiming to be a fairly musical person. Heck, I have my own website where my music is posted, I released a CD my senior year in high school, and I’ve written at least a hundred songs (although not all of them made it beyond the lyrics + melody stage, and certainly not all of them have been performed before more than a mirror). I would link to the website where my music is posted…but it’s posted under my real name, and I just don’t feel comfortable leaving that open for all the creepers of the world to find. I have a hard enough time keeping my classmates from stalking me, thank you very much. I don’t need to deal with anonymous cyberstalkers as well.
Here’s where the opening about divination comes into play. My songs come true.
Sometimes in my writing, I take the poetic liberty of just…writing. I don’t always think about what I’m putting down; as long as it fits the flow and rhymes at least in the vowels of the words, I’m happy. In contrast, some of my lyrics are deeply personal and based entirely on my true experiences. Nevertheless, some of my songs just *come to me* like words that get stuck in my head, attached to a melody, and then written down in spite of my conscious self saying, “I don’t have time to sit and write right now. I should be reading for my Military History class, or going for a run, or doing anything else but serving my musical ego.” Sometimes I can’t tell if the words scribbled from pen to paper are ME actively thinking about them, fishing for the part that comes next, or else there is some force external (or perhaps so deeply internal that I can’t detect it?) that is making the ink flow. It’s my hand, but is it me? Does it matter? I can’t tell the difference half the time. And yet, sometimes even when I know I’m actively writing the song rather than merely letting it be written, the words I produce have not yet come to pass. I’ve wrote about breakups and heartache long before I even had a conscious trickle of insight into my ex’s intentions of dumping me before I left for Russia. I wrote about embracing a streak of independence (See: “Amazon” on my lyrics page) long before I even knew I wanted to embrace that side of myself and adopt a more Amazonian approach to life. Indirectly, that song is the reason I started this darn blog, and the song was written over a year ago. These are just a few examples of more recent and general musical predictions, if one could even call them that, but my *theory* is more based on having written songs when I was 10 and 12 that I completely did not understand at the time, and yet, sifting through the childish lines, I keep finding ways in which those old words apply to my life now.
I’ve also noticed that the songs I tend to play and perform more often are also the songs that tend to become truer, faster, and so I’m wondering if there’s a connection there as well. Again, this is still a half-formed, likely crazy notion that, upon closer examination and research into potential precedents, I will dismiss. However, I still think it’s something worth looking into for me, especially since it’s something that--if the pattern indeed exists--could alter the way I look at both music and magic. Perhaps my claim that I don’t really perform spells is not as true as I thought. We’ll see. I’m looking forward to delving into this deeper, and I hope you’ll join me on my journey!
In the off chance that anyone who knows anything about music or magic or just thinks I’m an idiot (if an overly-educated one who likes to talk too much), reads this post, then please please PLEASE tell me what you think!
My article has already been published on Witchvox! It's not particularly long, or particularly detailed, but it's only been about two weeks since I submitted it, so I was surprised to see it published so quickly. It's about the moment when I didn't really make a conscious decision to go *public* with my beliefs, but mainly just decided not to lie about it when asked directly in front of a crowd of my peers...and then it turned out far better than I expected. It was that experience, as much as anything else, that inspired me to start a blog and get my voice out there...even if no one is really listening yet. The article on Witchvox, I think, will help. I know I check the site weekly. Hopefully I won't get too much hatemail :) but at least that will mean someone read it! Here's the link to the article: Open Doors. As of a few seconds ago...243 people have already read it! Goodness, I am such a nerd to be excited about this, but fear of being a nerd has never stopped me before so I won't let it curb my enthusiasm now.
