21 March 2011

Running Off The Lethargy

The last time I drew anything
worthwhile, it was on the side
of some of my class notes.
I made a few sketches for paintings this break, nothing spectacular, but then I couldn’t find any of my acrylics. Thus, no artwork made it through to completion. My paints were getting towards the old and crusty side anyway, so perhaps it’s for the best that I could not find them, as I now have an excuse to go out and buy new ones. (Like I ever need an excuse to go out and buy anything, compulsive shopper that I am.) Anyway, the ending of another break leaves me once again with the dread feeling of “I never get enough time home and why oh why did I sign away my life to serve.” And then I remember, oh yeah, because I want to make a difference in the world, and if not me, then who? I follow my calling, no matter the sacrifice.

However, I have not been living up to my calling, and so I have a confession to make: I’ve been a little lazy lately.

Actually, that’s quite an understatement. I’ve been a LOT lazy lately and in all areas of my life. Physically, I’ve been slacking on my workouts and eating too much junk food because it’s convenient and accessible. Mentally, I’ve been doing just barely enough to get by in my classes, procrastinating on papers, not studying at all, and actually turned in an assignment late. I’ve never turned in something graded late before. I did not like the feeling, not even one bit. Spiritually, I’ve been vaguely paying attention to the cycles of the Earth, but it’s only the presence of the Hawks overhead and the Crows in the backyard that reminded me I am, always, watched. I forget sometimes, lost in my daydreams and fantasies, that my Mother the Earth is always with me. Now, just being conscious of my gods and goddesses as I write this, I feel them all nodding and moving closer to me. I am not alone, at least not really. Regardless, I know I’ve been neglecting my spiritual duties far more than I’d like.

So here’s what I did to start the long, slow process of fixing this. I jotted down some lyrics about running off my lethargy, and then I ran blisters into my feet and the breath out of my lungs. Considering how badly I’ve been slacking in my workouts, running breathless was far easier (or, perhaps, I should say far more difficult) than my ideal. I really, really, REALLY need to get back in shape. I only have a verse and a chorus done for a song that will likely remain unfinished, and in case I never get around to at least adding a second verse or a bridge or something, I’ll post the work-in-progress below. It’s a little depressing in the way that all of my songs tend to be a little depressing, but the attitude is there nonetheless. Of course, by “the attitude,” I mean *my* attitude. You’ll see it.

The end is in sight;
I’m so close to the finish line,
So why do I want to slow the hands of time?
I should be flying,
A sprint full-speed-ahead,
But all I can do is dream of you
As I lie here in bed.
I’m so sick of being tired all of the time,
And I’m so bored of wanting what’s never mine.

So get thee gone, I’m done, I’m done
Waiting around for you.
This lethargy I’ll shake from me,
And do what I need to do
You won’t hold me back now, no.
I have got my path to follow,
And I’ll walk it alone.
Yeah, I’ve always known that I’ll end up alone.

1 comment:

  1. We all hit these lazy times. I think winter is when it hits the worst. Just don't swing the pendulum too far in the opposite direction. At lest not immediately. That's just a formula to have it swing right back at lethargy when you get burned out.